


That Should Be Enough

by Daisy_Rivers



Category: Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-16 05:02:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15429567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daisy_Rivers/pseuds/Daisy_Rivers
Summary: Nobody gets everything they want.





	That Should Be Enough

**Author's Note:**

> There's a reason it's called fanFICTION. I'm a fiction writer. I make things up. I have no more insight into anything than anybody else.

Daveed loves Rafael; of course he does. Rafa’s his best friend, his collaborator, his ride or die. There’s no question. He loves him as much as he loves any other person on earth.

It’s just that … he’s not _in_ love with him, you know? That’s just not the way he’s wired. Sure, there’ve been a few times when they both had too much to drink, and they were alone in some cheap motel room, and yeah, it’s happened.

 _Happened._ That’s a stupid thing to say, as if they had no agency. So, okay, Daveed takes full responsibility for his participation, but that doesn’t mean that it’s going to happen again, especially not now, when _Blindspotting_ is blowing up across the country, when they’re not sharing cheap motel rooms any more, and when the crowd of photographers showing up for events is starting to feel like paparazzi.

When Daveed is nervous, he smiles more, looks to the side, laughs a little. It’s cute. It’s one of the things fans find so endearing. He’s better at doing the publicity stuff now, too, after _Hamilton_ and _Blackish_ , and _Wonder_. He manages to look relaxed, even if he’s not. He charms the socks off everybody, even Rafa, even after all these years.

When Rafa’s feeling anxious – and that’s a lot of the time now – he tends to go still, fold in on himself so he looks even smaller. His speech becomes more precise, sometimes even pedantic, but what he is saying matters so much to him that he can’t blow it off, even if the interviewer has no idea who he is or what he’s done. He explains everything earnestly, his voice as thin and brittle as mercury glass because this. shit. is. important. Sometimes, back in the hotel room, he cries, because he’s tired and because he hates to be alone and Daveed’s room is right next door or across the hall and he’s got a girl with him again. Daveed’s never had much trouble getting girls, and now, _Jesus_ , they’re throwing themselves at him, trying to find ways to slip him their room keys when he walks through the lobby.

Some of the girls like Rafa, too, sure, and that’s okay. Sometimes he’ll even take a girl to his hotel room, because it’s not awful, and it’s probably better than getting blind drunk again. Girls are – what? All right? Adequate? Shit, there’s no nice way to say it. Girls are a way to fill up the time and maybe numb his brain enough that he doesn’t think about Daveed in the next room with another girl. He doesn’t _mind_. He’s not _jealous_ or anything like that. He wouldn’t be. That’s not how it would be between them, if there was a them. He wouldn’t be some drama queen insisting on monogamy. He wouldn’t object to the girls if he could have Daveed sometimes.

They can’t not be friends. Nobody gets him the way Daveed does, and they think in tandem to the point that their speech becomes a kind of code that only they understand. Rafael’s the first one Daveed calls about anything – about everything. They have a hundred projects lined up now, and finally the money and the backing to follow through on them. Of course they’ll keep working together. There’s no future that doesn’t have Daveed in it.

That’s good, though, right? Knowing that he’s got Daveed in a way that no girl ever will, that he’s got his mind, even if he can’t have his heart. That should be enough, he thinks, and then jeers at himself as he hears Pippa sing the line in his head.

Sometimes you don’t get enough. Sometimes you make do with not enough.

He’s so lonely.

 

**Author's Note:**

> The last line is from Clipping's "Splendor and Misery."


End file.
